Broken Toyland Newsletter #11 for 2017

imissyou
Title: I Miss You, 12×24, multimedia on canvas. Find it in my etsy shop.

haveyoueverseentherain
Title: Have You Ever Seen The Rain? 11×16, multimedia on wood. Find it in my etsy shop.

upward
Title: Upward. Framed 5×7, multimedia on watercolour paper. Find it in my etsy shop.

intheforestofdarktrees
Title: In The Forest Of Dark Trees, 11×16.5, multimedia on wood. Find it in my etsy shop.

Broken Toyland is evolving.

I have come to realize that I stopped following my passion, and was focused on producing as much as possible, in the shortest period of time possible. This, due to my living conditions. I can be super prolific, if I have the conditions that I need to create. Peace, quiet, solitude, no tv, chaos, people noises, etc. Since I work at home and live with someone who does not understand my needs to work, my ideal conditions are fragmented and random. So during those time, I work hurriedly. Or I put up with the constant shattering of my concentration (usually this is the case) when not alone in the house. I fell into a horrible pattern, that I came to accept, and my art has suffered. I have suffered. The stress it creates… the headaches, even migraines, from not being able to work and concentrate, and trying to under impossible conditions, has taken a huge toll on me. I haven’t been getting enough sleep for years because I’ll get up at 4-5 am, so I can work in peace. Then go to bed super late so I can work then, too. It’s been a very unhealthy process I’ve fallen into. I’ve started to hate my art, because it was all starting to look the same and feel empty. It was becoming boring and annoying. Not enjoyable and freeing, like it used to be. It’s been a kind of creative coma, where there’s still a blip, showing signs of life, but otherwise unresponsive. But now that I’ve come to realize the rut I allowed myself to be in, I am making changes. I am taking back my privacy, my solitude, my peace. Low and behold, an instant breakthrough. These new paintings are making me feel good again, about my art. They are enjoyable to create. I actually want to dive in, because it’s exactly what it’s always been about for me. The joy of creating. PASSION. Taking what’s inside, and putting it outside. Telling a story. Communicating. Yes, these take me 10 times longer to finish, but that’s ok. I used to love creating on big canvases. I stopped because making small ones that will sell fast, became more important, due to the ruin of what facebook has done to my fan base visibility. Everyone should know that old tired story by now, so I won’t go into it. If you don’t, contact me and I’ll fill you in. But I have boxed myself in, creatively and mentally. That’s unacceptable. Survival can be a weird thing. I was too weak and exhausted to deal with it before. I’m still exhausted, but I’m not as weak mentally, and am taking back control of my direction. I have to grow. I’ve been at this stagnant place for years now. No more rut. No more apathy. I still sort of feel like a rat in a maze, trying to find a way out. It’s time to gnaw through the wall. So what you’re seeing now, is a  birthing process. Broken Toyland is being reborn. Maybe Broken Toyland is over. Who knows. We shall see. I plan on focusing on abstract expressionism, to put a label. Primitive at times, but narrative. My art has always told a story. I just didn’t realize it was such a huge part of my process. I might layer the chapters of a piece… I might do more of a storyboard or collage… but I will try to also attach a short story with them, so the viewer will be able to partake in a better visual. I want people to be immersed in it. See, feel, experience. To have a pure moment, without agendas, facades, manipulations, deceptiveness… you know, what we experience every day in the real world. What people call, normal. I think it’s entirely possible to step back into innocence, via art of all types. Innocence in the sense of experiencing childlike joy and wonder. That, my friend, is a pure moment.

Please feel free to contact me. I love hearing from you guys.
That’s all for now.
…v

iheartyouhaveagoodday

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